In the midst of yoga.

“Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and adventure.” – Oliver Sacks

You know every once in a while you have one of those weeks that just makes sense. Everything about it forces you to shift perspective for one reason or another until the person you were the week before is gone.

I sat up straight on my yoga mat with the invisible string coming out of my head, as the yogi instructed. He said to clear my mind of all thoughts, blank canvas. This never really works, since forcing my mind to be clear usually invites thoughts to creep in, especially the ones that have been suppressed for very good reason. Those thoughts usually come to the forefront in bright color and high definition.

I tried shaking the nagging, suppressed thoughts in my head, especially one in particular, for nearly the entire session. The thought is inconsequential now, but the feeling of being held hostage by the thought was not.

The instructor had us do the kneel-down-arms-raised-to-a-point-head-back-pose. You know the one. And staring at the window in the ceiling for that brief minute, all I could see was the suppressed thought nagging me out of my focus. It was all consuming. I wanted to start over. I was wasting my time with my eyes searching out the window, feeling nothing. No peace. No zen. Just nagging.

Nine hours later on the train ride home, my brain was finally cleared and the answer finally hit me. The nagging, annoying thought came at me at that exact moment on the yoga mat for a reason. My brain was finally ready to feel it and process it. I was finally ready to let go, to see what is ahead with a clear insight and hope. I held myself back, settled for the ordinary and easy. I got lazy. I suppressed my thoughts and got lazy. Sitting on the train, I refused to be lazy. I made a conscious choice to look ahead with clarity.

My best friend/yoga instructor called it a “yoga breakthrough”. Whatever it was, it opened me up to what was and what could be. And better yet, it made what could be feel so much more achievable.

What could be SHOULD BE on the forefront, not a nagging afterthought in the middle of a yoga pose.

Get out of your way.